my life may not be something special, but its never been lived before.

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I just needed someone to talk to.
You were just too busy with yourself.
You were never there for me to express how I feel.
I just stuffed it down.
Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade,
but it seems the surface I am scratching is the bed that I have made.
I never meant to fade away.
-a little piece of a Staind song is in my head.

Anyway, here I am again, sitting before this computer screen...knowing I have responsibilities, knowing that I'm not completely safe here--but still I refuse to pry myself out of this chair. I will not move, but it is not because I'm unable to move...or is it? I mean, sometimes people find themselves in certain situations and they are unable to lead themselves out of it due to circumstances beyond their control. I am getting older and I should be gaining more and more control of my life, but instead the concept of the "future" has overtaken my life and proceeds to force me into the dark corners of my mind. I am being forced to face my past, which is really difficult for me. I'm not sure if I would rather confront my past or look to the future, because they are both scary. At least the past is familiar. I tend to think of the "future" as this alien pulling my into his uncomfortable embrace. Yeah...I guess I'm alittle bit weird.


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